Talk to meAboutLoveCallieArchive

dietchola:

this guy at my school wears really short shorts all the time and i asked him why he doesn’t wear normal cut shorts and he said “if the sky is out, then my thighs are out” god bless

(via asvprock)

dampsandwich:

Well “officer” if thats even your real name,

(via orgasm)

90% of conversations with me

me: who is that
me: what are you talking about
me: I don't know what that is
me: wait what

stealinyoman:

marry a guy who has sisters because he’s seen the female in her natural state therefore won’t have any unrealistic expectations of you 

(Source: niqabisinparis, via 50shadezofcarter)

kaworu420:

i have three moods

  • 420
  • 69
  • 666

(Source: i-remade-fffffuckkkkkkkkk, via 50shadezofcarter)

snazziest:

They call me coffee cuz I grind so fine

(via 50shadezofcarter)

okay:

well if this doesn’t prove it idk what does 

darrenstummy:

the more sexual and inappropriate you are with me the better we’ll get along

(Source: darrenstummy-moved, via laughed)

internetmessiah:

I’ve decided I want to be cremated. Not when I die, just whenever. Surprise me.

(via 50shadezofcarter)

3rd grade

friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
OH
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.